Wednesday, February 29, 2012
New Spaces And Places
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Three Of Swords
"You open the door to find your partner in the arms of someone else. You overhear your best friend laughing at you behind your back. You find out your business partner has been cheating you for years. All of a sudden your world is turned upside-down. You're stunned, disbelieving and finally heartbroken.
The image on the 3 of Swords clearly describes this sudden pain. You literally feel as if someone has taken a sharp object and jabbed it through your heart. Even something as minor as a snippy remark can feel this way. Notice how this contains just a heart and three swords. When your heart is breaking, you feel as if that is all you are - an open wound.
In readings, the Three of Swords often represents the nasty little curve balls that life can throw sometimes. Betrayal, abandonment, rejection, separation, a reversal of fortune. These hurts are painful because they hit you when you least expect them. If you have drawn this card, you may know what it refers to, but if not, the Three of Swords is a valuable warning. It is likely there is something amiss in your life that you are unaware of or unwilling to acknowledge. Curve balls hit us when we're looking the other way. Examine your situation carefully. Talk to the people in your life. Don't take anything for granted. Listen to your inner voice; it will help you locate the problem.
It is also possible that you are contemplating hurting someone else. With this card I think it is important to remember that each of us is capable of cruelty. We're all human, and we all make mistakes, sometimes serious ones. In the end, all we can do is trust in the goodness of life and try to live up to that ideal. When you slip, forgive yourself, and try to forgive others in turn, but, even better, head off trouble before it arrives."
One of these days my X beloved will realize that Nesley was always operating to separate us from day one! There were lots of things and happenings that Lori and I were unaware of when they were happening. Eventually though Lori will remember something and have the "click experience" that I have had. Nesley can not control Lori's enlightenment, as enlightenment is not from the dark but from the light. Nesley can't handle the light and despises it. Last year I saw Lori on Valentines Day and we were resolving our differences. I gave her Valentines Day gifts and we were finally communicating. I hugged her goodbye that day. I am glad I did as I felt much better about our friendship with that parting hug and kiss. There is only one possibility (in my recollections) that we could not at the very least part friends...and that is the third party or party's (Nesley and Dawn) interfering with that. Dawn was very upset about Lori and I trying to resolve our differences and was openly upset when I told her about that Valentines Day encounter. Dawn is another individual that could not divide Lori and I as long as Lori and I talked. Dawn is another party that tried to interfere with any reconciliation. I was successful at keeping Dawn away from both Lori and my home, but Bonie B. kept bringing her back into my life to wreak her own version of chaos (which is another story for another time). Party's setting out to drive a wedge even to our friendship is what Lori and I were up against. United we stand and divided we fall is appropriate in matters of Love and Warfare! And why would Lori and I being friends be so threatening to these folks? That remains to be seen. But I am confident that in time I will figure it out.
Perhaps it will be sudden, or a dawning realization (2 Of Swords); but someday Lori will figure it out too, that these people are not, and were not ever our friends. Their relationships (all of them) are sick, convoluted, and perverted. They were simply jealous and divisive every step of the way, always pretending to be our friend, and always pretending to help. Lori and I together could not be manipulated or controlled. We talked, we planned. we were strategist in our dealings with people, extra jobs, and friends that we would allow into our home. I wasn't going to let Nesley take advantage of Lori's talents (eBay seller) unless Lori benefited financially. Nesley had to go through me to manipulate Lori. And going through me wasn't working for her in the very beginning. So Nesley drove a wedge...little by little in spite of my best efforts to make Lori aware of Nesley's tactics and "grey" magic. I warned Lori that Nesley was not necessarily a "white" witch before we began the project of selling Nesley's mothers collectables on eBay. We should never have agreed to take that job.
I remember Lori finding a $20 bill in one of Nesley's mothers purses that we were sifting and sorting through one of the weekends we worked on the project. I wonder if Lori has figured out that it was planted there as an illusion for her to find. Lori and I had previously liquidated Ms Taggerts estate for David and Anna by the use of eBay, yard sales, Craigslist, so we were practiced at the task. We were a good team. There are certainly wonderful surprises along the way for the sorters with discriminating eyes, but more often the work is just labor intensive and not very gratifying. It is not a pleasant or easy job to clean up after someone who has gotten sick over time and died. No one really wants to go through it alone. It is very likely we could have found more lucrative ways of making some money in our spare time. Nesley knew about this project (Ms Taggert's estate) and when her mother died in 2007, she asked me for my help. I in turn, asked Lori's help as we were a team. Would I have recognized the three of swords coming up in a reading had I taken the time to ask the tarot about this project? Maybe. I didn't consult the tarot the whole 7 years I was with Lori. I put the cards aside and concentrated on more worldly tasks. Lori didn't seem to acknowledge or see the supernatural. It wasn't relevant to her. I admit I missed my tarot and rituals throughout that time. I wish now that I would have been true to my own habits and nature and been a little more selfish. With just one eye, I need all the help I can get!
Nesley seemingly "found" several thousand dollars in that house in books, boxes of trash, and various places each time we went in the house to work. She had told us that before we came to help her she was finding cash everywhere. It may have been a factor in our decision to go there as I realized only trustworthy people should be involved. It is hard to turn down a friend that needs trustworthy people to help them. I knew we were perfect for the job. Lori and I only ever found money once (in an old purse), and I can see now that it was strategically placed for Lori to find in order to keep us coming back weekend after weekend. It was a very cleaver ploy and a carefully contrived illusion. Dark magicians have little else but illusion to spin their webs as they are usually very undesirable to be around even for short periods of time. Each time we worked on the estate Nesley would cry out from another room "thank you Betty (her mothers name)" or "it's pay day"! We would reluctantly stop our sifting and sorting to come celebrate Nesleys so called discoveries at her insistence. These so called discoveries severed to break the monotony and boredom of going through a filthy house. She would have had to pay someone serious money to clean that house, and watch them every minute. And it was a filthy house, and a dirty job. Nesleys mother had been ailing for some time and the place had a nursing home smell to it and filth everywhere. How else could you keep someone coming back week after week to such unpleasant work conditions unless you contrived some sort of reward or series of rewards in our case! It reminds me now of the casino bells and whistles go off periodically to keep gamblers putting money in the slots! We hated going over there and not getting much done. True to her nature Nesley kept us distracted from our intentions to get done and out of there by these outbursts and incessant "breaks". We smoked pot each time Nesley found money at Nesleys insistence. She found money constantly. We had to listen to all of her discoveries, drawing the job out for months. We knew we could get this done in a few weekends if she would just let us have a key and work at out own pace without distraction. But it was impossible to trust us with a key when there was seemingly so much cash being found in each corner or bag of trash, so reluctantly we had the burden of Nesley and her antics to keep us from finishing...all the while wedging her way into our lives. Lori and I were not getting anything but our weekends taken from us by Nesley. I don't think we ever believed that Nesley planted that money before we arrived. I believe that wholeheartedly now. I wish that we would have caught her and banished her from our lives, but that is all hindsight now. Little by little Nesley weaseled her way into our social life as well. She arrived at our house faithfully each time we wanted a bag of dope. There was little time to seek out our own connections as our weekends and free time were all going to Nesley. So it is only logical that she could take care of this errand for us. Unfortunately many times Nesley was accompanied by teenagers, making us uncomfortable in our own home to do the customary smoking with the dealer. No matter how many times I told Nesley we didn't want teenagers around while we were smoking, she conveniently forgot. Why couldn't she just sell us the bag of weed and get on down the road when she had passengers? I see now, that she never wanted to respect our wishes and wanted to cause us discomfort. She had another agenda. One time she even brought a puppy (that was later poisoned by bleach left out on a porch in a bowl) into the house against Lori's wishes along with several teenagers? These people should not be allowed to have pets or breed I have concluded. Lori was at gallery hop and they found out I was at home alone when they showed up at Norka. I was on a cane and in bed when they arrived and really didn't want or need any company that night. Against my better judgement I allowed the visit. They assured me they wouldn't stay long. I insisted that they keep the puppy outside as both Lori and I created a safe haven for our own cats. I had no control that night of the havoc Nesley and her entourage caused that night. These people were out of control, and I was in no shape to put the smack down on them. Of course Nesley brought the puppy inside (Lori had insisted on this back at gallery hop and even called me about it) against both Lori and my wishes. Lori blamed me of course as she always did when Nesley went against our own plans and wishes. I was always ready to just stop being friends with Nesley, but Lori had to have her weekly bag of dope, so we tolerated Nesley. Nesley delivers! We went to concerts with her (needing a break from the estate work)..all the while she trying to divide us. My web blogs last year in relation to Nesley document her betrayals as well as my heartbreak, but it has never been as clear as it is this Valentines Day and The Three Of Swords. I was always confused as to what was happening last year as my heart was true and I was loyal. I realize now that I should never have rented a house from Nesley...I jumped at the opportunity believing that if I got out, that Lori and I could date! I turned down Nesleys offer at first...then she made an offer I couldn't resist or refuse. The lease that came much later (after I had already moved of course) did not contain Nesley's promises of course. It seemed obscene to ask such a long time friend to "put it all in writing"after so many years of dealing with her. Most of our dates included Nesley that last year. We couldn't seem to get rid of her. I left Lori in August 2010 and I was financially square with her. I made sure that my poverty was not going to cause me to leave her hanging. I wanted her to be free to travel and volunteered to watch her cats while she was away and expected she would do the same for me. I always acted in Lori's best interest sometimes even sacrificing my own, but that is just who I am. Nesley of course volunteered to be the go between and mediator as I moved into the Paul Drive property. I was told she jokingly rolled her eyes at Suzi (another witch acquaintance) when she announced this. Neither Lori or I asked for a mediator, so this was surprising to me! It was the first I had heard of this, but very revealing in that I then knew that Nesley was not my friend and had been acting against me and my relationship with Lori...even to the point of luring me to Paul Drive hastening the process of her having Lori all to herself. I had declined Nesley's first offer as the rent was too expensive. She lowered the rent $50 making it barely affordable to me as I was going to be paying $100 more and responsible for all utilities. Could I have done a tarot reading before such a move? Would the 3 Of Swords have come up in the reading? I will never know as my tarot cards were packed away and inaccessible to me. I am sure she laughed hysterically at my admonition that I hoped to move out and give Lori space in order to possibly repair our relationship! The demons and Nesley must still be laughing as they finally have Lori all to themselves without my protection and interference. I was very naive, and I can see it now. It was mysterious that one day we were alright (Valentines Day 2010), and the next at odds. I know now who was behind all that. Hindsight is always 20/20 vision. My insight has never benefited someone in denial though. I won't be holding my breath. Beware Lori, you have aligned yourself with a betrayer and a fiend. It is not worth a stupid bag of dope to keep vermin like Nesley (and her baggage) in your life. She will betray you in the future, and if you dare look back clearly, you will see that she already has.
Perhaps it will be sudden, or a dawning realization (2 Of Swords); but someday Lori will figure it out too, that these people are not, and were not ever our friends. Their relationships (all of them) are sick, convoluted, and perverted. They were simply jealous and divisive every step of the way, always pretending to be our friend, and always pretending to help. Lori and I together could not be manipulated or controlled. We talked, we planned. we were strategist in our dealings with people, extra jobs, and friends that we would allow into our home. I wasn't going to let Nesley take advantage of Lori's talents (eBay seller) unless Lori benefited financially. Nesley had to go through me to manipulate Lori. And going through me wasn't working for her in the very beginning. So Nesley drove a wedge...little by little in spite of my best efforts to make Lori aware of Nesley's tactics and "grey" magic. I warned Lori that Nesley was not necessarily a "white" witch before we began the project of selling Nesley's mothers collectables on eBay. We should never have agreed to take that job.
I remember Lori finding a $20 bill in one of Nesley's mothers purses that we were sifting and sorting through one of the weekends we worked on the project. I wonder if Lori has figured out that it was planted there as an illusion for her to find. Lori and I had previously liquidated Ms Taggerts estate for David and Anna by the use of eBay, yard sales, Craigslist, so we were practiced at the task. We were a good team. There are certainly wonderful surprises along the way for the sorters with discriminating eyes, but more often the work is just labor intensive and not very gratifying. It is not a pleasant or easy job to clean up after someone who has gotten sick over time and died. No one really wants to go through it alone. It is very likely we could have found more lucrative ways of making some money in our spare time. Nesley knew about this project (Ms Taggert's estate) and when her mother died in 2007, she asked me for my help. I in turn, asked Lori's help as we were a team. Would I have recognized the three of swords coming up in a reading had I taken the time to ask the tarot about this project? Maybe. I didn't consult the tarot the whole 7 years I was with Lori. I put the cards aside and concentrated on more worldly tasks. Lori didn't seem to acknowledge or see the supernatural. It wasn't relevant to her. I admit I missed my tarot and rituals throughout that time. I wish now that I would have been true to my own habits and nature and been a little more selfish. With just one eye, I need all the help I can get!
Nesley seemingly "found" several thousand dollars in that house in books, boxes of trash, and various places each time we went in the house to work. She had told us that before we came to help her she was finding cash everywhere. It may have been a factor in our decision to go there as I realized only trustworthy people should be involved. It is hard to turn down a friend that needs trustworthy people to help them. I knew we were perfect for the job. Lori and I only ever found money once (in an old purse), and I can see now that it was strategically placed for Lori to find in order to keep us coming back weekend after weekend. It was a very cleaver ploy and a carefully contrived illusion. Dark magicians have little else but illusion to spin their webs as they are usually very undesirable to be around even for short periods of time. Each time we worked on the estate Nesley would cry out from another room "thank you Betty (her mothers name)" or "it's pay day"! We would reluctantly stop our sifting and sorting to come celebrate Nesleys so called discoveries at her insistence. These so called discoveries severed to break the monotony and boredom of going through a filthy house. She would have had to pay someone serious money to clean that house, and watch them every minute. And it was a filthy house, and a dirty job. Nesleys mother had been ailing for some time and the place had a nursing home smell to it and filth everywhere. How else could you keep someone coming back week after week to such unpleasant work conditions unless you contrived some sort of reward or series of rewards in our case! It reminds me now of the casino bells and whistles go off periodically to keep gamblers putting money in the slots! We hated going over there and not getting much done. True to her nature Nesley kept us distracted from our intentions to get done and out of there by these outbursts and incessant "breaks". We smoked pot each time Nesley found money at Nesleys insistence. She found money constantly. We had to listen to all of her discoveries, drawing the job out for months. We knew we could get this done in a few weekends if she would just let us have a key and work at out own pace without distraction. But it was impossible to trust us with a key when there was seemingly so much cash being found in each corner or bag of trash, so reluctantly we had the burden of Nesley and her antics to keep us from finishing...all the while wedging her way into our lives. Lori and I were not getting anything but our weekends taken from us by Nesley. I don't think we ever believed that Nesley planted that money before we arrived. I believe that wholeheartedly now. I wish that we would have caught her and banished her from our lives, but that is all hindsight now. Little by little Nesley weaseled her way into our social life as well. She arrived at our house faithfully each time we wanted a bag of dope. There was little time to seek out our own connections as our weekends and free time were all going to Nesley. So it is only logical that she could take care of this errand for us. Unfortunately many times Nesley was accompanied by teenagers, making us uncomfortable in our own home to do the customary smoking with the dealer. No matter how many times I told Nesley we didn't want teenagers around while we were smoking, she conveniently forgot. Why couldn't she just sell us the bag of weed and get on down the road when she had passengers? I see now, that she never wanted to respect our wishes and wanted to cause us discomfort. She had another agenda. One time she even brought a puppy (that was later poisoned by bleach left out on a porch in a bowl) into the house against Lori's wishes along with several teenagers? These people should not be allowed to have pets or breed I have concluded. Lori was at gallery hop and they found out I was at home alone when they showed up at Norka. I was on a cane and in bed when they arrived and really didn't want or need any company that night. Against my better judgement I allowed the visit. They assured me they wouldn't stay long. I insisted that they keep the puppy outside as both Lori and I created a safe haven for our own cats. I had no control that night of the havoc Nesley and her entourage caused that night. These people were out of control, and I was in no shape to put the smack down on them. Of course Nesley brought the puppy inside (Lori had insisted on this back at gallery hop and even called me about it) against both Lori and my wishes. Lori blamed me of course as she always did when Nesley went against our own plans and wishes. I was always ready to just stop being friends with Nesley, but Lori had to have her weekly bag of dope, so we tolerated Nesley. Nesley delivers! We went to concerts with her (needing a break from the estate work)..all the while she trying to divide us. My web blogs last year in relation to Nesley document her betrayals as well as my heartbreak, but it has never been as clear as it is this Valentines Day and The Three Of Swords. I was always confused as to what was happening last year as my heart was true and I was loyal. I realize now that I should never have rented a house from Nesley...I jumped at the opportunity believing that if I got out, that Lori and I could date! I turned down Nesleys offer at first...then she made an offer I couldn't resist or refuse. The lease that came much later (after I had already moved of course) did not contain Nesley's promises of course. It seemed obscene to ask such a long time friend to "put it all in writing"after so many years of dealing with her. Most of our dates included Nesley that last year. We couldn't seem to get rid of her. I left Lori in August 2010 and I was financially square with her. I made sure that my poverty was not going to cause me to leave her hanging. I wanted her to be free to travel and volunteered to watch her cats while she was away and expected she would do the same for me. I always acted in Lori's best interest sometimes even sacrificing my own, but that is just who I am. Nesley of course volunteered to be the go between and mediator as I moved into the Paul Drive property. I was told she jokingly rolled her eyes at Suzi (another witch acquaintance) when she announced this. Neither Lori or I asked for a mediator, so this was surprising to me! It was the first I had heard of this, but very revealing in that I then knew that Nesley was not my friend and had been acting against me and my relationship with Lori...even to the point of luring me to Paul Drive hastening the process of her having Lori all to herself. I had declined Nesley's first offer as the rent was too expensive. She lowered the rent $50 making it barely affordable to me as I was going to be paying $100 more and responsible for all utilities. Could I have done a tarot reading before such a move? Would the 3 Of Swords have come up in the reading? I will never know as my tarot cards were packed away and inaccessible to me. I am sure she laughed hysterically at my admonition that I hoped to move out and give Lori space in order to possibly repair our relationship! The demons and Nesley must still be laughing as they finally have Lori all to themselves without my protection and interference. I was very naive, and I can see it now. It was mysterious that one day we were alright (Valentines Day 2010), and the next at odds. I know now who was behind all that. Hindsight is always 20/20 vision. My insight has never benefited someone in denial though. I won't be holding my breath. Beware Lori, you have aligned yourself with a betrayer and a fiend. It is not worth a stupid bag of dope to keep vermin like Nesley (and her baggage) in your life. She will betray you in the future, and if you dare look back clearly, you will see that she already has.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Pants On Fire
Lori presented a rather lame argument in court yesterday as expected. She claimed that the phone bill had been paid rationalizing that new phone service would not be installed at my new residence if it had not. She could not provide a receipt for this "payment" and stated that because she banks online and that the bill was over a year old she could not obtain receipt for the court. The judge clearly did not buy her story. She never addressed the fact that she had not paid the phone bill since June (two months prior to me moving out and getting new service). She made sure that the judge understood that both of us used the phone and internet, but seemed surprised when I brought up the fact that both of us used the electric and ate the food that I used my food stamps for. Our agreement was that she would pay the gas bill and the phone bill, and I would pay the electric bill and purchase our food. When I left last August (2010) I paid my part in full. I was ashamed of her for the first time in all the years I have known her, Clearly the phone company will hold me accountable for this unpaid bill, but she will have to live with lying to the court and shitting on me. The judge will give a ruling on this case in the next 90 days. I will have no recourse but to sue her for the jeep that is in her backyard as she signed it over to me. I can't trust that she will keep her word about the ramifications of it leaching toxins into the ground and me possibly getting fined for it. I am not going to take the fall for her lack of responsibility. At least a court ruling will absolve me of any future fines and punishments. Lori signed the jeep over to me in order to avoid having to insure it...typical of how she operates. Her insurance company advised me to take the matter seriously as an uninsured vehicle in the backyard signed over to me could make me liable for anything that happens because of it. Perhaps her cheating on her unemployment will not look so farfetched when her other behavior comes into play. Maybe the unemployment bureau can be cheated by online banking because they can't obtain bank records? I confess I was surprised that she got away with it! Had Lori taken responsibility for the phone bill we could both get on with our lives. I took the hit for the phone bill on my credit report, and in a sense she has "bound" us together for seven years. I didn't do a binding ritual in relation to Lori as I wanted us to be together by freewill. Perhaps she doesn't understand witchcraft, and that sending Dee Ames to harass me and attempting to have me "bound" by a civil protection order has only made me more resolute to bring this matter to justice through the court. Sooner or later Lori will pay for her dishonesty and unethical conduct. Maybe not in this lifetime, but I am sure there will be a reckoning in the next.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Downtown Columbus
I will be in Columbus today for court and various other visits. It promises to be a beautiful day, and I will be making the most of it. I look forward to my visits to the big Ohio city. I will be moving back sometime this spring.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Supervised Visit Outside
Syd got to go outside for a supervised visit this week as the weather was springlike. I can't let him out on his own without supervision as my sister cultivates quite a bird population that he has been observing through the kitchen window. He loves his "outside", and it is my hope that sometime this weekend and the busy workweek I can let him out for short periods of time. So far so good. He is getting better by the day in terms of his interaction with the other cats. It has been a long time coming though as he is the most cautious cat I have ever encountered.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Bridgid's Day
Witches celebrate Imbolc on February 1st or 2nd. It is sometimes referred to as Candlemas "The Feast Of The Waxing Light". This day is also celebrated more commonly as groundhog day. The goddess associated with this holiday is Bridgid. Bridgid is perhaps the only goddess that was not eradicated by the church. She was too powerful and loved by the ancient pagans, so they sainted her instead! "If you can't beat em, join em" we say around here. I have honored Brigid in much of my work throughout the years. This is a belt buckle that I cast from wax woven threads several years ago. The symbol is called Bridgid's Cross. This piece weighs 72 grams and is the heaviest piece of jewelry that I have ever constructed. I made several molds at the time and could in fact make a mold from the actual piece if need be in the future. At the time I first made this ornament I used scrap silver from other projects so it was fairly inexpensive. I would hate to have to purchase the 72 plus grams of silver to make it today, as silver has climbed in price.